Saving Justice

Justice was born in a medium size hospital in the middle of our state. It was the same hospital I had my son in and was about an hour away from the town where we lived. This may seem a bit strange to travel so far to have a baby but I assure you it is quite a normal thing to do in that part of the state.

I have to say the care we received at this hospital was wonderful. The staff was so caring and knowledgeable which really surprised me considering they normally would not come across this level of intense medical problems. We only had one nurse that couldn’t really handle the stress and she was quickly dismissed from our room. My doctor kept me completely focused on taking care of me during the delivery process and directly afterwards and Justice’s doctor was extremely attentive to her. To this day, this hospital and staff are embedded in my memory as gifts from God.

The pregnancy was completely normal with the exception of chronic itching all over my body the last few weeks. We found out there were going to be complications as soon as my water broke. This was the point where the nurse was dismissed and my doctor was called away from his Mother’s Day festivities with his family. He immediately ordered to have me induced and soon after Justice arrived.

I remember seeing a glance of her as they whisked her over to what a few minutes earlier looked like cupboards but now had morphed into an elaborate medical table of some sort. She was a dark purplish blue color. It was shocking. I was not prepared for that. No one had ever told me that my baby could be born the color of a blueberry! I wondered what was going on but the room was filled with so many people and their bodies blocked what was happening I couldn’t tell. I assumed she was okay because my doctor just kept talking to me. He was asking Levi and me about all kinds of things that didn’t really matter and if there were something terrible, he surely wouldn’t be talking to US so much. Would he?

Soon Justice’s pediatrician turned around to update us. She, and to this day I can’t believe she knew how do it with so much thoughtfulness and kindness, told us we had a girl but she’s having a hard time breathing and her heart’s not doing so good. She said she has features of having a genetic syndrome and she’s not sure without more testing but it looks like Turner’s syndrome. Soon after that, Justice was taken down to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU).

We sat in the birthing room for hours after she was born. The magnitude of the situation not sinking in. We made some phone calls to tell family and friends that we had a girl but…..But it still didn’t seem real. What had just happened? Not even yesterday, everything was perfect. SHE was perfect. SHE was fine in my tummy. Now we didn’t know what was going on. My doctor came in about 4 hours after she was born and had a talk with me about how some mom’s don’t go home with their babies. I didn’t even know what to say to him. She’s still alive. If she’s still alive then there’s hope right? But it’s bad, so it’s best to know all the facts. I really didn’t need any more surprises. But could I see her? No? It’s THAT bad! So do I call people? It’s the middle of the night. I HATE this!

By morning, Levi and I had been up for over 24 hours. They said “We might need to put her on a respirator….?” (approximately 4 AM, or 7 hours after birth), It was kind of a statement/question. We said you have to do what you have to do. And there it was, we had just been given the decision to save her life and fight for it or to end it and we didn’t even realize it at the time. I know people will have all kinds of views on this. Should they have been clearer with us? Should of, would of, could of we do this or that? Nevertheless, I truly feel it didn’t matter for me. I don’t know about anyone else. However, for me, I am glad I have her. Is it hard, absolutely! Do I get angry, frustrated and fed up, yes. But I am forever grateful I didn’t pass on this wonderful opportunity of raising Justice. If they had presented it in another way, I may have done something I regretted and I thank them for saving me.