My NICU Angel Girl

I would like to take one post and tell you about my other baby girl in the NICU. I don’t know her name or even the actual day of her birth but she is my child all the same.

One morning, about a week after Justice got to the NICU, I arrived at my normal time to spend the day with Justice. There in the bed on the other side of me the tiniest little girl I had ever seen. Now, most of the babies in the NICU were preemies which made Justice look pretty big at 5 lbs. 10 oz. but this little cutie was beyond little.

Since she was just on the other side of where I sat, it was hard for me not to see her or over hear what the doctors and nurses said about her. She was just as close to me as Justice was.

Like I said, I don’t remember her name, she may not have even been given a name but I do remember she was born at 24 weeks or 16 weeks early. 10 years ago, this was the cut off week between a miscarriage and a premature birth. The mother was 16 years old and said she didn’t know she was pregnant and by all outward signs, didn’t care either. She spent her days eating and watching movies at the house where we stayed with her mother and boyfriend while I sat beside her baby girl and prayed. I’m sure it affected her but you couldn’t tell at the time.

This beautiful precious baby was born in a toilet. When I think about that my heartbreaks. Nothing was easy or even without tremendous pain for this tiny baby. At the hospital, she was kept in a table like bed with a heat lamp on top. She had plastic wrap wrapped around the bed and a blue neon light shining out from under it. The bed shook really fast to keep her lungs open while oxygen was pumped into them. It was painful to see a baby in this condition but her fight was amazing. Here she was, born in a toilet way to early and she’s still here. If she could even make it one day, then I must keep fighting.

One day her little hand broke out from under her plastic wrapping. I stared with amazement at the size of it. It couldn’t have been much bigger than a nickel. The littlest fingers all spread apart reaching as high up as they possibly could. I called for the nurse who in a flash was tucking her back in and medicating her to keep her still. Then what probably shocked me most of all, the nurse gave me a lecture on privacy and how I wasn’t supposed to be looking at her. What did they expect? The beds shaking, the neon lights flashing, bells and alarms are going off and she’s not 3 feet from me! As I choked back tears from my scolding, I knew in my heart I did the right thing for her and that’s what mattered most of all.

My little angel was only with me about a week when her purpose on earth was fulfilled. One could say it wasn’t meant to be but I think it was. She wasn’t an accident. Her death wasn’t for the best, it just was what it was. She was meant to be, she was loved and needed and then she had to move on. I am so proud of her. In her few days here, she overcame great trials like being born in a toilet 16 weeks early. She taught at the highest level, for she was the teacher of great doctors and nurses. Like most great people, she goes on teaching and touching us even after her death. It doesn't matter what she gained while she was here or what family she was from, what mattered is she fulfilled her purpose. That she did, she did with grace and I thank her for allowing me to be part of her life.

She would be almost 11 years old if she had lived. I cannot help but think about what she would be like today if only she could have stayed with us. Would she like sports or would she be more into make-up and girly things? Would she have light hair like her mom or would her hair have been darker? I guess it wouldn’t really matter. Wherever she is right now, I know she’s perfect. I know she knows that she was important, wanted and loved. So tonight, when you say your prayers, please remember her. Her family may never even told a soul she lived but you and I know.

May you rest in peace my little angel.